What Would You Do If You Were Not Afraid?

Fear is powerful.



There are many things I have wanted to do, and still want to do, but being afraid of failure, of consequence, of judgement and of things not living up to expectations has always held me back. I wondered then, what would I be capable of if I were not afraid?



I was reading earlier and I stumbled across a list of 'life lessons' by Regina Brett. Some of them I would modify slightly; simply because of my evolving spiritual beliefs, but for the most part I concur. They are as follows -



1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.



Reading this list it occurred to me that despite the fact that life doesn't come with a book of instructions (small cosmic order for that one, please?) it really isn't as difficult for most of us as we would have people believe. It's just a case of baby steps.
Surely then, by taking baby steps, we can conquer the fear that binds us and fulfill our true potential? If we can take things day by day, ambition by ambition, fear by fear, we can evolve into exactly the type of people we most want to be.
Because, you know what?. .

Overcoming fear is powerful.

When All Is Said And Done....

..Will you have said more than you have done?

I'm one of life's dreamers; I almost always have an amazing new plan or venture and more often than not the fickle Gemini inside me (always pays to blame astrological forces rather than take responsibility for your short-comings, right?) decides that yesterday's fool-proof plan wasn't such a great idea at all.. and so inevitably a new plan surfaces.

I have taken music lessons, dance lessons, Italian lessons, (life lessons?), Spanish lessons and driving lessons. I am no more qualified in any of those things than when I started. I got bored. I changed my mind. I gave up.

I've half trained as a nurse, taken law and sociology and psychology, dabbled in The Arts and have a half-finished manuscript on my laptop. I got bored. I changed my mind. I gave up.

As I move ever closer to my 30th* birthday (11 months, 2 weeks and 1 day) I realise that, unless I start saying less and doing more, I will have nothing to show for this year other than wasted opportunities. So, this is the year when I will finish something other than cake. This is the year that when all is said and done, I will have done more than I said.


*30 is my scary age. More on this later..

Gives Me Hope

Some time ago I stumbled across the Gives Me Hope website and have taken to reading the little messages of love, hope and inspiration whenever I am feeling in need of a lift. A couple of days ago I was feeling particularly heavy-hearted and questioning myself, my life, my body, my thoughts (just the usual head-fodder for us former depressionistas) and I decided to pay a visit to said site.
The very first message I read was this -

"You may or may not believe me, but YOU are beautiful, strong, and I think you can make it through this. Don't give up. You GMH."

A torrent of tears followed. A random stranger touched deep inside my heart and right there, in the midst of my self-indulgent misery, he or she gave me hope.

Thank you. Sincerely. With all of my being.

I Didn't Realise It Was Dark.. Until Someone Turned The Light On

Have you ever noticed how your eyes adjust to the light, or the lack of, and when the light gets switched on you often have a "woah, I've been sitting in the dark" moment? How funny then that we often don't notice the darkness within our soul either, until someone or something comes along and shines a great, big beacon upon us. For some people this beacon comes in the form of religion; a lightbulb moment in which everything becomes clear to them and they give everything to their chosen God.

I'm not one of those people.

I absolutely support people's right to choose their own beliefs, I just don't share that belief system. I should, considering how amazing my mother's relationship with God is. She became a born-again Christian some 7 or so years ago and I can categorically say that it changed her inside and out and made her a far better person. My father, whom I never conceived would ever join the church, also recently made his commitment to Jesus and pledged his heart. However, for me, that connection to the Almighty is just not present. I did go through a stage in my very early 20's where I was so fundamentally lost that I turned to God in the hopes of finding comfort, solace, reason.. and I guess for that short period of time I did feel less alone; but the issue of religion raises far more questions in me than it ever gave answers. I simply cannot understand why being a good person isn't enough to grant you access to heaven. How can it be 'fair' that someone who has done terrible things can repent and be forgiven, yet someone who has lived a good, honest and loving life is not given the same level of acceptance into paradise? Not that I think anyone is beyond forgiveness in a mortal sense, we all make mistakes, but the whole concept makes me uneasy.

I guess now would be a great time to admit that I'm not entirely convinced heaven exists, either. Not in the traditional sense of the word, at least. I desperately cling onto the notion that there is an after-life, and that I will be reunited with lost loved ones, but I'm not sure I accept the heaven and hell concept as a whole.

I guess my beliefs are more spiritual than religious; we all have a moral obligation to do no harm and be the best people we can be. We should be kind and generous to those less fortunate than ourselves, we should only speak with truth and goodness, we should be bound not by a connection to a superior being but by a love for all of humanity; and should we choose not to be all of those things then there will be some level of karmic retribution.

I always tell my children that 'doing nice things brings nice things back'... and by the same token, 'doing bad things brings bad things back'. I suppose that isn't a far cry from Christianity, except that I don't tell them the nice or bad things are delivered from an all-seeing, all-knowing presence. I instill in them a sense of accountability to themselves, and to those around them. Our family, for example, works on a respect system. The only rule in my home is that you should respect yourself, your surroundings and the people you live with. That covers such a vast multitude of potential offences that I think we have the bases more or less covered. That's not to suggest that sometimes those rules aren't broken; growing-up is all about learning from our mistakes. But, ultimately, we tick along nicely without the need to impose the fear of God.

Having said that, without something to believe in, life can be lonely. I've muddled along for years feeling unable to shake off the sense that I am missing out on some great secret. Whilst an accountability to humanity is a pretty awesome feat, it still doesn't answer the questions that plague me: Why are we here? What's next? What is my purpose?

And then, suddenly, my light came on.

I am here, in this beautiful world, to leave my mark. I am here to live a full and blessed life, and share my love and my thoughts with anyone who wants to receive them. I am here to raise my children to be grounded, loving, thoughtful and happy. I am here, in short, to live life in as full a way as I can. There is no need for answers beyond that. Whatever comes next, as long as I am able to stand there with an open heart and say "I did my best", well, that's good enough for me.

Eggs And Hash Browns, Oh My!

Yes, really. I am writing about the above!

I am a strange creature when it comes to food. I go through stages of liking one particular thing and then living on it. My latest craze is hash browns. Having started to get a little tired of eating them on their own but not tired enough to quit the habit, I decided to up the ante and throw an egg into the mixture; this alone caused every pore in my body to exude joy . . but then I put the whole lot into a sandwich and in the words of Belinda Carlisle "wooah heaven is a place on earth". Or rather, in my kitchen.

I'm thinking maybe I need to get out more.

A River Runs Through Here

Today I went to the lake which is a mere 20 minute walk from my front door. The sun was beating down on my winter-white skin and I walked barefoot on hot concrete. My children paddled in the shallow area at the foot of the lake where the water runs in fresh from the mountain, and I sat on an old wooden bench sharing cheese sandwiches with my beautiful Labrador.

As I watched scores of people open picnic baskets, feed small children treats and throw sticks for panting dogs I wondered why it is that I don't sit there more often. I have become so accustomed to the mountains that surround my little village that I seem to take them for granted. But sometimes, just sometimes, the beauty of the place catches my breath and I feel blessed and undeserving.

Love, Actually

I often wonder how I manage to be both a romantic and a cynic. Maybe it's a skill reserved only for those who have been burned.. but still love to watch fireworks?

Sometimes I catch myself day-dreaming about finding Mr. Right; when in truth I would be much more likely to hurry past him with my head down, praying he didn't notice me. You see, when I fall in love I do so with my whole self. Every fibre of my being is poured into my lover, and I find that in my haste I have reserved nothing for myself. Having spent years mending my heart, I am reluctant to open it again for fear of my soul spilling out.

There's a small part of me though, a tiny space within the walls I have created, that longs for the moment when I can look into someone's eyes and really see myself as they see me. Not as this neurotic, broken shadow.. but as a woman who is loved.