1. The universe conspires against any attempt I make to get dressed before 9am.
2. I will never, ever be lithe and sprightly. Especially if I continue to eat Cadbury's Dairy Milk for breakfast. And lunch.
3. Sometimes it is entirely acceptable to swear at old people. Particularly if they bash you in the ankles with a shopping trolley and then launch into a tirade of insults about 'the youth of today'. Especially when you're 29. And you weren't even in their way.
4. Wine has no calories.
5. War and Peace is boring. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be a literary snob. But, seriously, yawn! People only read it so they can tell people they have read it. Well, guess what, I couldn't finish it. It was dire.
6. The word 'mum' can send you spiralling into the depths of panic-stricken despair.. or lift you above and beyond the greatest joy. Sometimes on the same day. And sometimes in the same sentence.
7. My tweenagers will never, ever think I am as cool as I think I am. Ever.
8. Feminism was never about having it all and doing it all.. it was about having the option to have it all and do it all. The choice. I choose not. (Expect more on this subject at a later date)
9. Nobody is ever around when you finish a crossword (circa Rachel Green) but you can guarantee someone is listening if you fart.
10. Hanging up on people is rude, dismissive and petulant. And sometimes absolutely necessary.
No comments:
Post a Comment